It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Let's get the cat blown out
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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