You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
