So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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