Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
