My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
