also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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