We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
