Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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