you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
