Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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