she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
