so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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