yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i drank out of a bidet.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
