Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
