i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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