I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
