Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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