So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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