All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
