I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
