haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
