Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize