As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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