it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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