Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
