OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she woke up with a sticky ear
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
