Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
