i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize