Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
