I wish I only lived at night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
