He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
