Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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