so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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