Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
