were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
As shirtless as possible
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
