I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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