Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
