When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
