my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
