I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
