A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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