You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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