I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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