They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
