I want to stick my p in your. b.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
