I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize