what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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