at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
