Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
