i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
