You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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