He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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