His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize