THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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