what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
