So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
