you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
