I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
