i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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