Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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