I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
