Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
