so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize