Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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