there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
