I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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